Today Aaron leaves for Denmark with my brother, Brian… I’m not as anxious as I have been somehow. It’s been about a week since I’ve had any real decent sleep, it’s hard to adjust and it’s hard to know that the clock is just slowly creeping by to countdown. I have my beloved weddings to keep me busy and man I have been overkill these last few. Let’s just say that I’ve been ultra-passionate about my job… probably because I know that the end is near and I just don’t want it to end.
We happened upon a petting zoo at a community party in Rancho Penasquitos on Friday
I’ve been making more choices that are difficult… After much struggle and opinions, I decided to put my C.V. into the world this morning. It only seemed fitting that the day my husband starts our move to Copenhagen I would finally have a few minutes to start the process of making money there and finding a good career path… and then, of course, lament over it on the internet.
Honestly I feel a little naked. This is not at all easy, I’m really putting myself out there… so much further than I ever have before. It feels a little like “we just up and moved to Denmark” but, at the same time, we’ve been working for years for an opportunity like this. I’m learning Danish for this (SO HARD!), because of this… New culture, new cuisine, lots of bikes, all in the name of “golden opportunity.” I’m excited. I’m scared, but I’m excited. I’ve never felt this bare to the world before and it’s quite the rush… like standing at the edge of a precipice, when you get that tingly-feet feeling… I can barely breathe.
A few weeks back I watched this interview with… Oh, what’s his name, the really old guy in New York…. I’ll think of it. So the interview was with Neil De Grasse-Tyson and the old guy, LARRY KING! He asks Neil DGT if he could live forever, would he? Mr. Degrasse-Tyson says “no” because “what would be the point in getting up everyday?” If we could never die, if we never had that as a consequence, we would also have no reason to defy death. The struggle to do great things comes from our inherent fear of the final day. Sometimes I feel like this part of my life is my own personal stand in defiance of the end.
Every step I take I do it with two large burdens; my fear of death and my love of life. They are large rocks that make taking leaps and bounds difficult and sometimes slow, but I am strong and capable of leaping anyway most of the time. These burdens are heavy but they are not impossible. I am no Sisyphus in this, I can force myself to the top of the mountain and I will. I have a lot on my side, most notably the people I love.