There’s a strange air moving through the airport as I wait for my flight back to Spokane from home. There’s a feeling of forceful movement… like the puff of air that blasts into your eye when the eye doctor checks if you possibly have Glaucoma. It’s not painful, but it’s fast and uncomfortable and necessary.
I met Don Carter in Laughlin, Nevada about a week after I started dating my now husband. He was… well he was Don. He was just as fast and uncomfortable for my young and shy personality as that eye test. He was a very bright light and I really am quite attached to my storm cloud sometimes. But Don was definitely a “fuck that” kind of bright and he would just burn all my clouds away whether or not I wanted them around. Uncomfortable, shocking…. Necessary and perfect.
I had already fallen head over heels for Aaron before that show in Nevada but after that show, he was the only person I thought about until we had a child. It was his relationship with Don and his friends that really made me love him like a partner. Aaron offered me a way out of my boring, calculated self to a place where I could be accepted for the weirdo I am. And Don was often the most accepting and encouraging.
One time shortly after that trip, I was asked to come along to one of the many MANY Winston’s shows I would attend over the course of the following almost 20 years. I was nervous and shy and unsure if anyone would like me. Don Carter was the person who invited me in. Don was always ready to try, but it was totally up to you whether or not you accepted the offer. Rarely did anyone decline, he had a gift like that. He’d flash you that “you know you wanna” smile and before you knew it you were having a really great time in the middle of the woods or in a castle.
Don also did stuff that is now pretty hilarious, but at the time... He crashed my car on my honeymoon. He, on more than a few occasions, would ask for a ride to a show from a random place and when we got to him we would ALSO need to go figure out where he left his horn. There was a camping trip with an air mattress turned raft and the Deschutes river that is too long of a story to tell here but… I digress.
But, Don is also the reason I was able to graduate college. He was Aaron’s best man at our wedding (and I don’t know if we would have gotten to the alter without him). He bought a painting from me and was also willing to be in one. He was there for Aaron unabashedly, unashamedly, infinitely…. And because of that, he was also always there for me. Whatever Aaron asked, Don did. And vice versa. Zero questions. Storm clouds and all.
Don Carter was a person in my life who I sadly did not appreciate enough. I mean… he was appreciated and definitely loved but he is Aaron’s best friend. It was his driving force to get alone time with Aaron and that meant I was often times a secondary character in that story. The love was so strong and that bond was so great, it was important to me they just be. Don traded me his amazing sister and brother and I don’t know if I love many other people more than I love them.
I guess I just never expected Don to not be there for Aaron. I guess I just never expected Don to not be there for all of us. I guess I really did not understand how much he meant to so many people because here I am, on a plane flying back to Spokane, covered in tears I can’t seem to stop shedding and I’m not really a crier.
What was it that Andy on the Office said? I really wish I knew they were the “good times” while we were having them…… or something like that.