Cupcakes Make it Better

When I was younger and relatively life-inexpirenced, after “things” would get really really rough, my first instinct would be to panic and then cry. But over the years of living and going through what most would call pretty darn rough territory, I’ve learned to accept and move forward. It’s definitely not easy but it’s a good practice when certain days or weeks just crumble in on you. This week was one of those times… Definitely not made easier with the daunting task of immigration in less than 2 weeks. 

So… Immigration to a foreign land. What can I tell you now that I’m a little less than 2 weeks out? Umm… it’s hard. Way WAY harder than I was expecting. And the whole darn process is hard, not just one or two obstacles here and there… no, like each step in the process is almost agonizing. And once you think you’ve gotten over this huge hurdle and WOOHOO we ma…… what’s this other hurdle doing here?!! Just one right after the other. It’s tiring and crazy crazy hard. 

Cupcakes make it better.

So… Advice at this point is almost futile since, as it turns out, there’s yet another 5000 hurdles in front of me for procuring employment and finding a permanent place to reside when I get there. But I thought it would be a good idea to list out what’s happened so far for those of you thinking about becoming an expat:

1. If the native tongue is not yours, get on that now. Not later after your paperwork is processed (that will take forever anyway) and not after you’ve been turned down for every job you apply for because you don't speak the native tongue… NOW! Download Duolingo or Babel Fish or what have you and get cracking. Look at it as a goal that will help you move towards immigration. It will keep coming up, I promise you. Better to walk into the country knowing how to at least introduce yourself than nothing at all. 
2. Get good at reading and paperwork because what the heck?! So much paper work, so many little tiny details that have to be gone over and figured out. It’s so frustrating when you get 2 or 3 hours into the paperwork and you just can’t absorb the information anymore. It takes days and weeks to go through it all with a fine tooth comb and hit the immigration office (and depending on where you want to re-locate, the “immigration office” could possibly be a Schengen Office in San Francisco or New York). Even after we had been pro-level paperwork pushers for months, when it came time for our immigration appointment we were missing Aaron’s official letter of acceptance to the school he got into. 
3. School is how you do it. If you really want to do it “the easy way” then school is for you. And by “easy way” I mean slightly less difficult. Make sure you pick a school off the accredited FASFA list or be ready to dole out some serious cash to make it work… like really serious, and all ALL out of pocket. We’re about $40000 in the hole and SURPRISE we’re having an immigration setback so, that number even less than 2 weeks out, continues to rise. 
4. If you’re like me though and you’re tired of people mentioning how school is the only way to become an expat, get this one line going through your brain as you begin the process of compiling a C.V. “What can I do that (native person from the country you want to move to) can’t do?” In the U.S. we don’t have this barrier and in a lot of cases it’s not legal for a potential employer to even ask where you’re from. In a lot of countries outside the U.S. employers and headhunters make two piles for job applications: One pile for the people applying that are native or citizens of the country and another one for everyone else. That means your C.V. (resume) has to survive an entire pile of unqualified applicants before the employer will even dig through your pile. That’s a fairly daunting thought, but it’s not an impossible reality. My advice, get a mentor. Someone that works and lives in the place you want to move to and can help answer your questions about applying for jobs and tailoring your C.V. (resume) can be a total lifesaver… My mentor is amazing and if she’s reading this, YOU’RE AWSOME! This is the only advice I can currently give because I am still seeking employment, gaaaaahhhhh!!!! It takes a long time, be warned and be ready for just straight up rejection or the very real possibility that you’ll do better looking for a job when you’re physically in the country. 
5. Set the goal and get to work. It’s really not fun selling off your life. You think you need it and you think it’s going to be really refreshing, until you get to the stuff that’s truly sentimental. It’s hard to let go and it takes a few glasses of wine/slices of cake/beers/whatever to get through it. If you say “My goal is to be there and landed on this date” you can begin the task of slowly throwing stuff away. Having the time to really go through my life and think about this huge step made it much much easier in the end when the pile of stuff in the trash got depressing. 
6. Prepare for the ultimate in frustration, relief and excitement. It honestly has been the most intense versions of these feelings I’ve ever experienced. You want to feel doubt, but that goes away. You feel scared and I still feel scared, but it’s not nearly as intense as the frustration, the relief after clearing each hurdle and the excitement that comes when I think about actually moving abroad. I mean, gosh, it was a wild ride. And it’s only about halfway over… 
7. If you have children, heck even if you only have a husband or wife, this is going to be a bit more difficult then you’re thinking. If you’re at all like me you’re thinking, “my kid will get world experience and (possibly) learn another language. This will be awesome! A great opportunity for my family.” And well all of this is pretty true, there’s another 5000 checklists and hurdles that come with each child. Moving the kiddo came with rules I definitely did not expect, like having to cough up a bunch of cash up front to cover her first year’s health care. Yea, see, that free Danish healthcare everyone talks about here in the US is not free, it’s tax paid for and I’ve never paid taxes in Denmark before. Why in the world would the Danes let me bring my kid here without healthcare? Husband/wife too. If they get sick, whose taxes are going to pay for that?

Balloon games to help me get the little one tired at the end of the day. She's a big ball of energy so it's been rough wearing her out on my own. 

I keep thinking to myself that moving to another country is sort of like joining a club… or a fraternity. Some clubs or frats are easier to join than others, but all of them have some kind of rules for admittance. Some of them it’s as easy as not being the second member named “Homer”… but most have a “rules for acceptance” list that is much longer and you must be prepared for it and you must understand that rules are rules no matter how unfair or uncouth they may feel. It’s their club. If you want in, you’ll accept the rules for initiation and you’ll wear your club’s badge proudly once you get in. If you’re not ready to tackle the daunting yet rather rewarding task of becoming an expat, you probably wont get much further than this blog. If you want it and you just can’t live without trying it, then eventually you too will be less than 2 weeks out from a very exciting move writing a list of “rules” or things to consider just to pass the time. And I, for one, can’t wait to read your “rules for being an expat” list and highly encourage you to post the link in the comments when the time has come. 

Finding Kidventures in 4S Ranch saved me! I bring my work with me, find a nice table next to a plug, grab a cup of coffee and work like crazy while Nugget plays like crazy. If you're doing time apart from your spouse and you're like me and have to work, this is a great use of $100. 

Good luck to you on your journey forward.