The sun rises at 8:30 in the morning, and sets sometime around 3:30 in the afternoon. I believe one of the hardest parts about living in Scandinavia is the darkness… it's not that the lack of sunlight is entirely the thing that effects me the most, but also the disruption of my circadian rhythm BECAUSE of the lack of sunlight. I find it difficult to get up in the morning… Coming from a place where I would rise with the sun, and having the sun come up sometime around 9 o'clock in the morning in Denmark can get to a person and can cause you to sleep in unknowingly. Yes it is cold, yes it is very windy (and the wind is painful), and it’s bitter cold on days when the sun is out and rains on days when you would prefer snow. The perpetual darkness isn’t something that bothers you right away… but it does start to bother you. 

It bothers you over long stretches of time. It starts with you getting this sort of edge to you… Your attitude changes and your willingness to deal with certain qualities of life, changes. What didn't bother you before, like how pushy people are when they're trying to get onto the metro or how impatient people can be when you’re taking too long to pack up your groceries… It didn't bother you before but, it’s winter and it’s starting to bother you now. I believe that is the darkness encroaching on your daily life.

I remember very fondly this lovely woman I met at a wedding right before I moved to Denmark. She gave me some advice before I left saying "if you feel like you wanna kill your spouse sometime around mid-February, remember that it's not them it's probably because you need to take a vitamin D. The darkness made me want to file for divorce.”

I grew up in the sunlight… I mean just take a look at my skin and you can tell that I've spent the majority of my life being baked by the sun. I also come from a country that adds vitamin D to everything! It's in milk, it’s in bread; vitamin D is something that I have not yet experienced a lack of… It's just there. It's always there and it doesn't really effect me when the sun goes away for a day or two normally. But coming here, being covered in clothes for so many weeks, having the sun hit me at this odd angle where it doesn't even feel like it's actually touching me, the fact that I haven't been really hot since I came in August… All these things have really started to effect me in a way that I have yet to experience.

Switching cultures is difficult… Understanding new job markets is difficult… Figuring out how to make new friends is difficult… But the hardest thing is actually making myself feel better without the use of sunlight and it’s weird.

I am by nature a very bright person… I mean I'm also very smart, but mostly what I'm talking about is that I like to radiate the warmth of the place I come from. Southern California is warm therefore I am also warm. The local motto in San Diego is "chill out" and I felt like this was something just inherent in me. I figured it was because I was born that way… Or that it was taught to me by the parents I love so much. But I think it's actually because I was being bleached by the sun… Man, that sunlight can do things to you I didn't really think about before… Maybe that's why so many people take solace in tropical countries and by the beach?

I am constantly amazed by the resilience of the Danish people… They appeared to be somewhat cold to outsiders who don't take the time to understand the culture, the language, the behavior, the way of life… But that's not the Danes’ fault. These people are trying to survive without sunlight! And that is something very hard to do. I mean, physically the Danes are incredibly impressive… Healthy, good looking, tall. But they're living their lives around the sun and the best way to do that is by eating well and working out.

In Southern California the sun is out most of the year… We don't really get weather. During the wintertime we do have less sun, but not so much that it's noticeable. When it rains in Southern California, the entire city stops. People can't drive… There are car accidents left and right… Sometimes you just don't feel like getting out of bed at all. So you don't. If I did that here in Denmark, I would never leave my house. It's the exact opposite… If the sun comes out, people go for longer lunches… They take the day off… No one is inside, everyone is outdoors.

Boutiques and stores sell bikinis in the winter. I'm like "why are you selling bikinis in the winter?" Because everyone vacations in a tropical place attempting to escape the darkness even if only for a week. 

I've been having trouble feeling like myself in the mid-day… I get this overwhelming sense of sleepiness and I feel like I've been working all day long… But I haven't left my house yet. How is it that I could be so tired in the middle of the day even though I haven’t done anything? That's strange. So I gather my things and I go for a walk… The walk doesn't have to be long maybe a half hour to an hour… But when I'm done I feel so much better. I'm not even receiving much sunlight… just the simple act of being outside for a little while helps me overcome this incredible sleepiness that I get around 2 o'clock in the afternoon. 

The darkness settles in around 4 PM… And my body says "OK it's time to be done with your day." But it's not time to be done with my day! It’s time to start making dinner… It's time to start working on my emails… It's time to play with my daughter. My day is far from over! I drink a cup of coffee, I take a vitamin D supplement, and around 6:30 PM I'm revived and awake again. Now here's the weird part… I can't fall asleep until 1 AM. I set my alarm to wake me up at 7 AM, and I cannot get myself out of bed. Not until the sun is up. 

I know it's not just me, I know it's just the circumstances of living in a place with so little sunlight. I go on my expat Facebook group or just talking to my friends here in Denmark, and I know that this is part of the reality. The darkness is part of living in Scandinavia and each Scandinavian country handles it differently… The Danes have hygge. I've never spent this much money on candles in my life! I've never craved to be outside this much in my life. I've never slept this much and still felt like I needed to sleep. 

Then again I've also never felt this healthy! I walk for miles a day and I feel it in my newfound strength. My skin is radiantly pale. And my eyes... it pains me to admit that my eyes are working better. I don't wear glasses for distance, I wear glasses because I have what most would call “a lazy eye” and my glasses keep it straight and strong. But recently, I can go most of the day without my glasses. I eat all day and don't get fatter, only thinner. So.... I guess I'm trading. I'm trading the sun for the moon and the stars... and you can see the stars better in darkness.