Yesterday morning I sat on the back patio of my parent’s home, my parents of course joined me. It was around 8am and the sun was just beginning to peek through the gloomy early morning grey. I chugged coffee in hopes of feeling somewhat human again from the long night of fighting with my daughter about bedtime followed by applying to 18 jobs. The urgency of getting to work for the day creeping up my spine and tapping me coldly on the shoulder… 

Suddenly a hummingbird with orange head feathers flitted by my ear and tested the pot of pink flowers by my hand, making eye contact with me briefly before continuing to pick bug larvae off my parents’  Tipuana Tipu trees. I smiled to myself and watched it for a while, I remember thinking about Aaron and how much I missed him. 

We’ve been married for 8 years today… I think it’s, like, the bronze one or something. I mean, I don’t have anything bronze to give him anyway, what kind of bronze do you get a person? Bronze medal for putting up with me maybe… He would say, “Who would get gold?”

Our marriage has been pretty wonderful, I’m fairly attached to my husband and we’ve grown very close as friends. We’ve gone through a lot together but we’ve also encouraged each other through a lot as well. Every night that we settle into bed with each other is my favorite part of the whole day and I really miss having him next to me… I mean, nothing really beats a tiny toddler’s hand to the face at 3am but Aaron’s sweet embrace is definitely a close second. 

This year has been rough and extremely challenging but also incredibly humbling and frustratingly heartbreaking… typically a formula for a bad time but, we’ve been talking through a lot of it. We’ve been leaning on our friends and family a lot… and, most importantly, we’ve been leaning on each other. Our relationship, as a result, has fortified and thusly been able to bear the great weight we have taken on and push forward… I for one am extremely proud of what we accomplished so far this year, regardless of the humility and strife. 

Each day I feel very hopeful that we’re getting close to something good and, despite the setbacks, I continue to feel it. I know that things are hard now but that hardness will break away to the juicy inside. it’s just hard…

It’s hard… I just keep repeating it over and over. “What’s it like moving abroad?” “It’s hard.” “What’s it like having a 3-year-old?” “it’s hard.” “How are things going? “They’re hard. It’s been hard.” I have no other words… and in my mind, after I say them I think, “Life is hard. There’s no crying.” Like in that movie “A League of Their Own,” “There’s no crying in baseball.” Well, there’s also no crying in this… It might be hard and it might be sad but we must act bravely despite the challenges and the fears. We must remember that hard work brings good things, and I don't know many others that work harder than The Hudsons. 

I love you Aaron, Happy Anniversary.