Well… the time I was wishing away has finally come to an end. Tomorrow we’re on the plane and we’re on our way to Denmark for two years.

My whole life I’ve only been about 20-30 minutes away from my parents… I missed that period of time that we get after high school when all you want to do is escape your family and get out in the world on your own. Or I guess I just thought about that time differently than other people. I mean, my family annoys me just like they do with everyones’ family but, never enough to get me to the other side of the country or really even to the other side of the state. I’ve lived just far enough to deserve a phone call before my family comes over or vice versa… about 97% of my entire life. 

So I cried a bit today and I am pretty nervous (ok fine, terrified) to do all this and to be this huge and strong spirit for my daughter as we cross the entire country and then the Atlantic ocean. I’m pretty tired just thinking about it. I’m not sure why I’m so down and out about the whole thing, it’s suppose to be this grand adventure but… I don't know… I can’t seem to see past the sadness. The loneliness. And suddenly The Grand Adventure turns into the Grand Chasm. 

I try to remind myself of the opportunity and that I’m pretty fortunate to be able to do any of this. I mean, we had a lot of support doing this. Everyone we’ve ever loved came together and helped us pull this off and I need to reflect on that fact and go forth to do great things. If you asked me 6 months ago how I felt about this, the story would be very different than the feelings I am regaling you with today. Excited, thrilled, overjoyed… those were the feelings I felt when this started. I need to find those feelings today. 

I haven't zipped up the bags yet, but they are filled with 92 pounds of my life. 92 pounds of life isn’t a lot of life left after 35 years of living. But it’s just stuff. I’m sitting there on the floor in-between two huge suitcases and I’m feeling such grief having to throw even more things away to make the weight limit. But then I realized that the grief was coming from the fact that I couldn't pack away my family… that I couldn't take San Diego with me to Copenhagen… not that my clothes wouldn’t fit or Tess’ toys are too bulky. 

She probably wont remember the toys we left… or she might but we can always buy new ones (or tell her she can live without). But I know that there will come this moment after we get to Copenhagen when the excitement of being somewhere new will wear off and my child will ask me for a toy, I’ll have to explain to her that we had to leave it and then she’ll ask me to go home… and it’ll hurt. And there just isn’t enough space in my suitcase to avoid that moment so I’m just going to have to move onward to Denmark. 

Wish us luck on our Grand Adventure!